does age matter?

[Siamanto]

Re: does age matter?

I'm just curious does a long lasting relationship automatically lead to marriage?...
personally I don't need a white dress and a ring to state to the world that I want to be with a person.
I find that it's looked down upon if a couple don't get married.

I plan on marrying, if only to celebrate it with my friends and loved ones. The image of my mom sitting and having tears of happiness has played before my eyes many times. What I'm against is throwing huge, extravagant parties.

Marriage is just a symbolic thing. People don't need marriage to be together for a long time. It just represents the union of two people until they die...think that it would be nice if your partner took those vows and was serious about them.

It seems that there is no common understanding of what "marriage" means and that is probably contributing to some of the "confusion."
- Marriage is opposed to long lasting relationship
- Marriage is described as the wedding ritual
- Marriage is considered as an institution
- Marriage is confused with wedding (Again)
- Marriage is described as a celebration
- Marriage is described as the officialization of a life long relationship

I think that it would be nice if your partner took those vows and was serious about them.

Yes, it would be nice that the vows are made and taken seriously; but does making it public and official a necessary or sufficient condition that they are taken seriously?

[Siamanto]

Re: does age matter?

Everybody here says if they care for one another, if there is love there, iffff… age doesn’t matter,

No, your understanding is far from being accurate; it was said:

If you think that you can - and are willing to - build something together, give each other and add to each other's life then it's worth trying because:

but I don’t understand, do you guys totally ignore the age factor or there are some limits for you nonetheless?

Again, your understanding is far from accurate; it was said:

1- Many factors determine the success of a relationship and age may not be the - or a - relevant one when all considered together

By the way, can you explain to us why the age difference will necessarily lead to failure? Thanks.

I can't imagine how a woman, let’s say in her early twenties can be really attracted to or in love with someone 30 years her senior

Why not? For instance, Colette, Maria Galas etc. all respectable women with great individuality. Also, their love was true and sincere.

(unless there are some other interests playing a major role or he is a Donald Trump! )?

That's a bit unfair and disrespectful?

[karoaper]

Re: does age matter?

I just wanted to add that personal choices should not be considered as universal and imposed on all members of a community.

Well, thanks for taking the whole fun out of it, Mr. Personal Choice.

[Sip]

Re: does age matter?

... whether a relationship should evolve into a marriage are "personal" choices ...

It just occured to me that a lot of "traditional marriages" that sometimes revolve(d?) around big age discrepancies (with usually the girl being much younger) are often expected to evolve into a relationship.

[LadySilver]

Re: does age matter?

Marriage is just a symbolic thing. People don't need marriage to be together for a long time. It just represents the union of two people until they die (not so much in the US though ---- divorce central ). I think that it would be nice if your partner took those vows and was serious about them. Don't you think so?

Oh I have nothing against vows. Of course it would be nice, I believe that anyone can make vows towards one another whether you're having a wedding or not. It all depends on how seriously you take your vows towards one another.

Siamanto is right though, there is a distinction between marriage and a wedding and we're confusing them.

[Lucin]

Re: does age matter?

No, your understanding is far from being accurate; it was said:?

I was not going to quote everyone, I just gave a few repeated examples, maybe I should have said ‘almost everybody’ instead of ‘everybody’.

By the way, can you explain to us why the age difference will necessarily lead to failure? Thanks.

I was talking about the huge age difference. First off, I don’t know( understand) where the attraction to old men comes from but my personal reason is simple; I’m not attracted to ‘old’ men (old compared to my age) and have never been to, regardless of their character, intelligence, or understanding.
Apart from the attraction, it is obvious that two people with such huge age difference are in two completely different phases of their lives, thus the needs, the expectations and the interests (those related to the age) of these people are far from being close, and I wonder how they can give each other or add to each other’s life in such a situation?

Why not? For instance, Colette, Maria Galas etc. all respectable women with great individuality. Also, their love was true and sincere.

How do you know if their love was true or sincere? By the way Colette had a few unsuccessful marriages.

That's a bit unfair and disrespectful?

Inchu? Yes da chem batsarum.

[Siamanto]

Re: does age matter?

I was not going to quote everyone, I just gave a few repeated examples, maybe I should have said ‘almost everybody’ instead of ‘everybody’.

For clarity and transparency, it's always a good practice to have explicit references and quotations. Regardless, I had and continue to have the impression that you have oversimplified and a bit "characterized" what others have said i.e. you made them sound as "dreamers."

I
I was talking about the huge age difference.

You seem to believe - and think - that age is linear and confusing it with chronological age - i.e. time since the birth of the person. That is a very narrow minded understanding of age that may be true of only collectivities - i.e. in average - but not individuals.
Some of chose to live as individuals.

First off, I don’t know( understand) where the attraction to old men comes from but my personal reason is simple; I’m not attracted to ‘old’ men (old compared to my age) and have never been to, regardless of their character, intelligence, or understanding.

Many feel the same - or are conditioned or indoctrinated or pressured to feel the same - and I respect your feelings and everybody "should." However, that is a personal feeling - not even a choice - so highly subjective and should not be considered as rational and be suggested as a universal guideline for other individuals.
LOL I was not aware that you were so influenced by the American beliefs and values????

Apart from the attraction, it is obvious that two people with such huge age difference are in two completely different phases of their lives, thus the needs, the expectations and the interests (those related to the age) of these people are far from being close, and I wonder how they can give each other or add to each other’s life in such a situation?

Again, your perception of age is a bit simplistic and "linear"
1- Individuals do not necessarily traverse phases in a linear, sequential manner and it may be done in a random manner
2- Many are old at fifteen and some are young at fifty
3- Even when the average person is considered, the phase-chronological age correspondence is not universal and is culturally dependent. For instance, a Japanese young woman may be more in phase with a much older American male than an American of a "matching age."
4- The phase-chronological age mapping also depends on sociological and other similar factors

Maybe you live in a community where people are with time unable to give to younger individuals - at least you. But, that is your personal experience that should be considered of universal nature.

How do you know if their love was true or sincere?

Because their experience has been documented. Are you suggesting that they lied about their feelings? If that is the case, then again it is unfair and utterly disrespectful.

By the way Colette had a few unsuccessful marriages.

By the way, it is irrelevant because it was about the sincerity of their feelings.

Inchu? Yes da chem batsarum.

If I understand you correctly, you're saying that you did not exclude such a possibility????
You did not present it as a possibility; in fact you said:

I can't imagine how a woman, let’s say in her early twenties can be really attracted to or in love with someone 30 years her senior (unless there are some other interests playing a major role or he is a Donald Trump! )?

Your statement implies that only such interests may explain. Not only you're denying the sincerity of the feelings of many; but, also, disfiguring their moral values: some of us believe in moral values that exclude the pursuit of wealth by all means.

[Siamanto]

Re: does age matter?

Well, thanks for taking the whole fun out of it, Mr. Personal Choice.

The joy of fulfilling a dream and seeing tears of joy in your Mother's eye is not enough? You also want to experience the fun of imposing it upon others?

[Lucin]

Re: does age matter?

For clarity and transparency, it's always a good practice to have explicit references and quotations. Regardless, I had and continue to have the impression that you have oversimplified and a bit "characterized" what others have said i.e. you made them sound as "dreamers.".

I’ll make this part short; I did not oversimplify or characterize anything; I just gave an overall view of their common thoughts on this issue, except yours that was a bit different and the reason why I did not include it. Maybe you need to re-read the previous posts; most of them more-or-less were in agreement on this particular issue (that age doesn’t matter).

You seem to believe - and think - that age is linear and confusing it with chronological age - i.e. time since the birth of the person. That is a very narrow minded understanding of age that may be true of only collectivities - i.e. in average - but not individuals.
Some of chose to live as individuals.

You assumed wrong. No, “my” understanding of age could be/could not be linear and that depends on the individual, but for instance, in a relationship leading to marriage (union) and a bigger family, yes, chronological age does count.
No, individuals do not necessarily age in a linear manner for which you listed some reasons; nonetheless, as sad as it might sound, aging doesn’t go without certain biological changes, which may lead to changes concerning the mood, the needs or … ‘The inner young man’ here is not capable of controlling such issues.

Many feel the same - or are conditioned or indoctrinated or pressured to feel the same - and I respect your feelings and everybody "should." However, that is a personal feeling - not even a choice - so highly subjective and should not be considered as rational and be suggested as a universal guideline for other individuals.
LOL I was not aware that you were so influenced by the American beliefs and values????

Neither pressured, nor indoctrinated, it is just a feeling.

LOL, and could you explain how you came to the assumption that I was “influenced” by American “values”??? Is it because I’m not ‘interested’ in a 60 year old??

Because their experience has been documented. Are you suggesting that they lied about their feelings? If that is the case, then again it is unfair and utterly disrespectful.

I just checked and found out that Colette’s age difference with Willy (her first husband) was about 15 years old which is not that big. My talk is not about her likes.

If I understand you correctly, you're saying that you did not exclude such a possibility????
You did not present it as a possibility; in fact you said:

Your statement implies that only such interests may explain. Not only you're denying the sincerity of the feelings of many; but, also, disfiguring their moral values: some of us believe in moral values that exclude the pursuit of wealth by all means.

I do not exclude the possibility that they may be in a relationship for certain interest, do you?? I’m disfiguring their moral values?? Well, because I doubt if they have any, on this issue (according to what I have seen). Most of such cases I have encountered (till now) have given me that impression. And as you said, some of us believe in moral values.

[Կարմիր Բ]

Re: does age matter?

Is the intent of your message to make sure that everyone clearly sees that you are not the perceptive one????

Only based on how YOU define maturity.