Originally posted by Haykakan
View Post
NATIONALISM AND SEX
By Lara Aharonian
March 7, 2010
I think it is easier to move a mountain in Armenia than talk about
female sexuality.
How can you talk about something that does not exist in the first
place? Yes, women in Armenia are "walking heads" and "working hands,"
with no bodies of their own, no vagina, not even a xxxxoris (what's
that?). Pleasure? Female orgasm? Cunnilingus? Yuk! Nope never heard of
it. Is that healthy? Isn't that a "dirty" thing to do? Should "good"
girls know about this?
We don't talk about sex in general. We don't hear about it in the
classrooms since most of the teachers are too embarrassed to cover the
issue-which is, ironically enough, part of the school curriculum. At
university, awareness campaigns on healthy living or "how to protect
yourself during sex" are almost non-existent since you are not supposed
to have sex before marriage in the first place, especially if you are
a girl. So why talk about something that is against the rules of the
society? Better keep everyone in the dark...and well protected!
Protected not from STDs, unwanted pregnancies, or violence, but from
the threat of collapsing the Armenian nation and threatening the
security of the country. Interestingly, that the control focuses on
women's sexuality.
Oddly enough, it seems that what I do with my own body as a woman-if
I engage in sexual acts or not, when and with whom I decide to sleep
with-is closely linked with the nation's faith. For that purpose, the
nation's defenders and perpetuators of Armenian values (the leaders,
authorities, health workers, teachers, priests, fathers and mothers,
brothers and uncles) take the liberty to decide in my place how I
should act and how I should use my own body, so that I don't harm the
nation's reputation by thinking about my own pleasure and wellbeing.
One of the first words a child learns is "amot" (shame). So whatever
you do that transgresses the limits of "predefined" and unwritten
laws, the word falls on you like a slap in the face: "Amot eh"(Shame
on you!). A small child runs in the house wearing only underwear.
"Amot eh." Innocently exploring your body while taking a bath
at age four. "Amot eh." Asking questions on anything related to
anatomy and sexuality. "Amot eh." Two people kissing each other in
public. "Amot eh." And the word stays with you-especially if you are
a woman-throughout your life. Even if there is no one around to remind
you out loud, it still resonates in your ears.
During our monthly "My Body, My Right" workshops at the women's center,
young women talk about all kinds of myths they've learned to believe:
Men are more sexual than women. It is OK for men to have extra-marital
affairs since there are things that they can't do with their "good"
wives and the mothers of their children (like oral sex).
Men can't control their sexual urges but women can. The important thing
is that men have pleasure during sex; women can live without it, etc.
For a man to cheat on his wife is considered normal and very much
tolerated by the different spheres of our society. As for a woman
cheating on her husband? She is labeled a "xxxx," "xxxxx," not worthy
of being called an "Armenian woman."
Men can have sex before marriage. It is awkward if they don't. Young
women who have sex before marriage are pjatsadz (damaged). They thought
of their own sexual pleasure and are not fit to become housewives
or mothers.
Even oral sex is mostly for men. Most of the participants in our
workshops will never consider doing that even with their husbands.
They are taught to believe that it is "dirty," "unhealthy," and
"amot," that only prostitutes can engage in such acts.
Meanwhile, young women are having sex, secretly and dangerously. But
nobody is talking about it openly. Nobody is acknowledging it.
AIDS/HIV is on the rise, as is abortion and several other diseases.
But, hush! The nation is safe!
Lara Aharonian was born in 1972, in Beirut and lived in Montreal where
she studied educational psychology. In 2003, she moved to Armenia
and founded the Women's Resource Center of Yerevan and its sister
branch in Shushi. She publishes a journal called "Feminist" and has
initiated the Women's Coalition For Peace in South Caucasus. She
is also one of the co-authors of the book In the (Un)Space and the
co-director of the documentary film Finding Zabel Yesayan.
By Lara Aharonian
March 7, 2010
I think it is easier to move a mountain in Armenia than talk about
female sexuality.
How can you talk about something that does not exist in the first
place? Yes, women in Armenia are "walking heads" and "working hands,"
with no bodies of their own, no vagina, not even a xxxxoris (what's
that?). Pleasure? Female orgasm? Cunnilingus? Yuk! Nope never heard of
it. Is that healthy? Isn't that a "dirty" thing to do? Should "good"
girls know about this?
We don't talk about sex in general. We don't hear about it in the
classrooms since most of the teachers are too embarrassed to cover the
issue-which is, ironically enough, part of the school curriculum. At
university, awareness campaigns on healthy living or "how to protect
yourself during sex" are almost non-existent since you are not supposed
to have sex before marriage in the first place, especially if you are
a girl. So why talk about something that is against the rules of the
society? Better keep everyone in the dark...and well protected!
Protected not from STDs, unwanted pregnancies, or violence, but from
the threat of collapsing the Armenian nation and threatening the
security of the country. Interestingly, that the control focuses on
women's sexuality.
Oddly enough, it seems that what I do with my own body as a woman-if
I engage in sexual acts or not, when and with whom I decide to sleep
with-is closely linked with the nation's faith. For that purpose, the
nation's defenders and perpetuators of Armenian values (the leaders,
authorities, health workers, teachers, priests, fathers and mothers,
brothers and uncles) take the liberty to decide in my place how I
should act and how I should use my own body, so that I don't harm the
nation's reputation by thinking about my own pleasure and wellbeing.
One of the first words a child learns is "amot" (shame). So whatever
you do that transgresses the limits of "predefined" and unwritten
laws, the word falls on you like a slap in the face: "Amot eh"(Shame
on you!). A small child runs in the house wearing only underwear.
"Amot eh." Innocently exploring your body while taking a bath
at age four. "Amot eh." Asking questions on anything related to
anatomy and sexuality. "Amot eh." Two people kissing each other in
public. "Amot eh." And the word stays with you-especially if you are
a woman-throughout your life. Even if there is no one around to remind
you out loud, it still resonates in your ears.
During our monthly "My Body, My Right" workshops at the women's center,
young women talk about all kinds of myths they've learned to believe:
Men are more sexual than women. It is OK for men to have extra-marital
affairs since there are things that they can't do with their "good"
wives and the mothers of their children (like oral sex).
Men can't control their sexual urges but women can. The important thing
is that men have pleasure during sex; women can live without it, etc.
For a man to cheat on his wife is considered normal and very much
tolerated by the different spheres of our society. As for a woman
cheating on her husband? She is labeled a "xxxx," "xxxxx," not worthy
of being called an "Armenian woman."
Men can have sex before marriage. It is awkward if they don't. Young
women who have sex before marriage are pjatsadz (damaged). They thought
of their own sexual pleasure and are not fit to become housewives
or mothers.
Even oral sex is mostly for men. Most of the participants in our
workshops will never consider doing that even with their husbands.
They are taught to believe that it is "dirty," "unhealthy," and
"amot," that only prostitutes can engage in such acts.
Meanwhile, young women are having sex, secretly and dangerously. But
nobody is talking about it openly. Nobody is acknowledging it.
AIDS/HIV is on the rise, as is abortion and several other diseases.
But, hush! The nation is safe!
Lara Aharonian was born in 1972, in Beirut and lived in Montreal where
she studied educational psychology. In 2003, she moved to Armenia
and founded the Women's Resource Center of Yerevan and its sister
branch in Shushi. She publishes a journal called "Feminist" and has
initiated the Women's Coalition For Peace in South Caucasus. She
is also one of the co-authors of the book In the (Un)Space and the
co-director of the documentary film Finding Zabel Yesayan.
But what can we do? Not referring to the future or the wellbeing of the Armenian nation, but promoting a society where many things are talked about, are publicly informed, are allowed and tolerated (to both men and women), when it comes to something as sensible as sex and sexuality are, the only possible result is disaster. Men in our society behave and think the way they think because, to name examples, cheating, de-virginize before marriage, etc. has been accepted and allowed in society, publicly spoken about, even promoted by the macho society...the only possible way out here to achieve equality and stop being such an hypocrite society, according to feminists (which I don't support, nor I support machismo, both are senseless), is to allow, spoke, promote women to do every single thing men do as well, right? Even the nasty things
Is there any other way out? What can we do? When people are given all the paths to freedom they always choose the worst to walk on, if we are already in a bad society, it can always be even worse. The problem with what Mrs. Aharoian says, is that she is talking about feminism and womens rights to sexuality from the point of view of a Western-based feminist. Of course she's gonna be offended about the way women are treated back East, but I think the one who has to face reality is her...Armenian society, and even more, Eastern society is a hypocrite society...but wait a moment, Western society is as hypocrite as well, even more, but the thing is that while Western society is an in-your-face hypocrisy, Eastern society is an in-the-shadows society...or in other words, we are a bunch of sanctimonious.
That's her point, women should be given more opportunities, more rights in every sphere as well as men have...but we have to start building some serious limits to both men and women. If we don't allow women to lose their 'purity' before marriage, we shouldn't allow such thing to men as well...we shouldn't apply double standards and most of all we shouldn't be hypocrites. If women can 'ruin' the Armenian nation's name men can as well, indeed if we men are cursed with the words women have given to us all along (that is to say, cheaters, pigs, womanizers, etc.) is because we all along history have proven we can be, while women have always been the 'victims' of 'us. That is changing, but sadly, it is changing in the worst way possible...as I've always said, women completely misunderstood what 'female liberation' and 'equality' mean, to them...as of today, it means 'If men are pig, we can be as piggy as well...and even more, we can be even more pigs'...apply that to an example of your like.
Some will say 'Oh but women raise the family, women are mothers and what example can a mother give a child if she behaves...' and all the macho view on the subject, guess what? The result of years and years of women repression has brought to us the state in the one we are now, just read and think about what she says...
AIDS/HIV is on the rise, as is abortion and several other diseases.
But, hush! The nation is safe!
But, hush! The nation is safe!
What's the solution? I don't know...but we really need a change of attitude towards many things concerning us as Armenians, giving all the permissions is not the answer, not prohibiting them all. The only thing I say is that if we, men of our nation are concerned about women 'endangering' the future and wellbeing of the Armenian nation with their attitude, you should think about what you do in order to protect it as well.
Leave a comment: