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Engaged and now stuck

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  • #51
    Originally posted by Anonymouse
    It's hard to believe that such a trivial issue about relationships has gotten 4 pages, and important issues like "White Noise" have barely a page.
    Hehehe

    I dont have any advice to give on this one, but....Good luck

    Comment

    • #52
      why doesnt she come too? with her friends???

      you are his friend, you should realize that he is no longer just (NAME), he is (NAME + 1) so if you want to stay friends with them, you must also include her in these activities too, the best you can... so lets say you are going to vegas, you can take your friend (girl) and she can come and when you get there i am sure you can split up one evening, or not... going to europe is the same way, but much more expensive... i think that you shouldnt pressure your friend to discount his partners feelings about their relationship...

      so just realize that he isnt alone anymore, and sooner or later he isnt going to be 2 people either, they are going to have kids, what are you going to say to him then, he man screw picking up your kid from school and basketball practice lets go to vegas??? NO!!! because he is a MAN! now, and he has bigger responsibilities...

      i think you should respect his position, and help him out instead of making him feel like what he did (getting engaged) was a bad idea...

      personally i wouldnt care if my newly engaged partner was going to vagas with his buddies, because i would do the SAME THING! and he would feel the same way!...

      so maybe you should ask your friend if he would mind if his lady went to vegas with "buddies" without him...

      Comment

      • #53
        Originally posted by nunechka
        why doesnt she come too? with her friends???

        you are his friend, you should realize that he is no longer just (NAME), he is (NAME + 1) so if you want to stay friends with them, you must also include her in these activities too, the best you can... so lets say you are going to vegas, you can take your friend (girl) and she can come and when you get there i am sure you can split up one evening, or not... going to europe is the same way, but much more expensive... i think that you shouldnt pressure your friend to discount his partners feelings about their relationship...

        so just realize that he isnt alone anymore, and sooner or later he isnt going to be 2 people either, they are going to have kids, what are you going to say to him then, he man screw picking up your kid from school and basketball practice lets go to vegas??? NO!!! because he is a MAN! now, and he has bigger responsibilities...

        i think you should respect his position, and help him out instead of making him feel like what he did (getting engaged) was a bad idea...

        personally i wouldnt care if my newly engaged partner was going to vagas with his buddies, because i would do the SAME THING! and he would feel the same way!...

        so maybe you should ask your friend if he would mind if his lady went to vegas with "buddies" without him...
        See omniscient? She can be a really good girlfriend.
        Achkerov kute.

        Comment

        • #54
          Originally posted by Siggie
          I really don't understand the big deal about Europe Arin. You can have fun with a couple and not feel like a third wheel. My bf and his friend went places all the time. He never said he didn't want to come. If you're such good friends with her you should all be able to have a good time together. It's not like you're not going to have anything to talk about with her. That's like the best situation you could hope for, to have your friend be with a friend.
          If you're really that uncomfortable with going with the two of them, then take a friend with you, doesn't even have to be a girl. Just someone you can share a room with or hang out with if they want to be alone.
          She obviously wants to travel as well and I would feel terribley left out too, if my fiance went without me when I too wanted to go.
          As far as the money thing... Tell her to go for a smaller wedding.
          Europe is different than Vegas I don't mind if she comes to Europe and it becomes us 3. She can't go to Europe because her parents would never let her that is the problem.

          Comment

          • #55
            Originally posted by ckBejug
            It's simple really, you have to find, make friends with, become affectionate, and fall in love with a girl so she can come along to Europe and all four of you can go together.
            I just got anxiety. You mean I have to do all those things with a girl .

            Comment

            • #56
              Originally posted by nunechka
              why doesnt she come too? with her friends???

              you are his friend, you should realize that he is no longer just (NAME), he is (NAME + 1) so if you want to stay friends with them, you must also include her in these activities too, the best you can... so lets say you are going to vegas, you can take your friend (girl) and she can come and when you get there i am sure you can split up one evening, or not... going to europe is the same way, but much more expensive... i think that you shouldnt pressure your friend to discount his partners feelings about their relationship...

              so just realize that he isnt alone anymore, and sooner or later he isnt going to be 2 people either, they are going to have kids, what are you going to say to him then, he man screw picking up your kid from school and basketball practice lets go to vegas??? NO!!! because he is a MAN! now, and he has bigger responsibilities...

              i think you should respect his position, and help him out instead of making him feel like what he did (getting engaged) was a bad idea...

              personally i wouldnt care if my newly engaged partner was going to vagas with his buddies, because i would do the SAME THING! and he would feel the same way!...

              so maybe you should ask your friend if he would mind if his lady went to vegas with "buddies" without him...
              You have good points also Nun, but like I said, she can't come to Europe or else I wouldn't mind. And I won't really bother him anymore I'll respect his position.

              Comment

              • #57
                Ok guys I'll find a way to handle the Europe thing but thanks for the replies. Anonymouse is right, the White Noise thread should have more posts than this one. You guys don't have to reply anymore. I just think I'm losing him and I'm trying to spend more time with him I guess. There's a lot more things I can say but I don't wanna waste your time on this thread anymore.

                Comment

                • #58
                  Originally posted by omniscient
                  Ok guys I'll find a way to handle the Europe thing but thanks for the replies. Anonymouse is right, the White Noise thread should have more posts than this one. You guys don't have to reply anymore. I just think I'm losing him and I'm trying to spend more time with him I guess. There's a lot more things I can say but I don't wanna waste your time on this thread anymore.
                  Awwww, don't be so sad. You can go to Europe with me.

                  The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. -- F. Scott Fitzgerald

                  Comment

                  • #59
                    Originally posted by omniscient
                    Europe is different than Vegas I don't mind if she comes to Europe and it becomes us 3. She can't go to Europe because her parents would never let her that is the problem.
                    Not even if she's engaged? Geez.
                    Then couldn't you go after they're married?
                    [COLOR=#4b0082][B][SIZE=4][FONT=trebuchet ms]“If you think you can, or you can’t, you’re right.”
                    -Henry Ford[/FONT][/SIZE][/B][/COLOR]

                    Comment

                    • #60
                      Getting married/engaged is a big thing that requires 150% respect and thoughtfulness for one another.....

                      Put yourself in her shoes for a second.
                      And although I do NOT buy her "i want to experience everything with you" bit, I am certain that she is really wanting to say this:
                      "I've heard of what goes on in Vegas, so i'm worried and a bit jealous of what may go on seeing that we just got engaged and perhaps you may want to sew your wild oats one last time before embarking on a lifelong journey with me!. Plus you are going with your friend who may want to HAVE SEX with some bimbo he meets when the two of u go out, which might leave you in a situation where you might have to hang out with that bimbo's (hot) best friend and keep her company" (hint hint)

                      xxxx happens in vegas (or anywhere else for that matter).

                      I don't blame her one bit about feeling like this, especially in this day and age when so many poeople are fukking around and getting divorced like there's no tomorrow...our community is definitely not barred from this.

                      I feel that your friend has a responsibilty to her FIRST, before anyone else. He chose her, so he must NOW fully respect her, and have no qualms with INVITING her wherever he goes. YES, I SAID WHEREVER HE GOES!!!!! Marriage is a big thing!
                      And yes, people too will start gossiping about the fact that he ran off to Vegas soon after engaging this girl..it just doesn't look good either (but the "other peole" is not the gist of this take-home message).

                      How would you feel if your fiancee went to Cancun with her girlfriends and not you? Don't give me this faithful crap either ("oh I trust her/him...). People just need an excuse nowadays to bone someone. ("ohh i got drunk and it just happened, please forgive me....." crap).

                      Fukk that.

                      "What goes on in Vegas stays in Vegas": everybody knows this cliche, and it exists for a reason.

                      He needs to look at himself closely and go within and analyse what his woman truly represents to him. If she is all that, he should bring her along, and YOU should definitely not have a problem with that. If he's "your boy", then she should be your "sister". You feel me?

                      DISCLAIMER: I too was engaged 5 years ago, and I fully trusted my gal whenever she wanted to go somewhere with her friends (vacations, dinners, etc..). I believed that she could not cheat on me only because I was too nice and respectful towards her and gave her everything she could possibly need in the 5 years that I dated her.
                      END RESULT: she had fukked around ALOT (lesbianism with her best friend, threesomes with her best friend & husband, fukking around with her teacher at university, fukked a local tour guide on vacation in the Dominican Rep, and to top it off, started fukking this guy that she worked with (approx 2 months after we got engaged).....

                      what goes on in Vegas....(however in my case, it didn't stay in Vegas!!!..i found out all this info post-breakup).

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