Breakup

[sad_eyes]

After a long battle of our 2 year relationship, I decided to end things between me and my boyfriend, Levon. I wanted a commitment from him, in short, marry him. And I wasnt saying anytime soon, it could be 2-5 years down the road, but I wanted a commitment! There were quite a bit of armenians that supported the idea of me and him marrying but in the end he chose his father over me. You see, he wanted to marry me too, we both did very much but one of the main reasons why he couldent marry me is because I am not a virgin. I have been with other men, armenians at that, and he says if we were to marry we would not be able to live with his father and his fathers wife because they would be riddiculed by the two armenians that I had been with previously of him, that they would make comments such as "Ha, ha, ha I xxxxed your sons wife." The only other option would be to not live with his father, but he said he could not leave his father.......he really broke my heart with that comment.................I expected him to bring up the fact that I am not armenian, but he didnt see that as a problem....Is it wrong for me to be angry over that? I cant say that I dont respect that. Family is very important to me too and I do understand and respect his love for his father, and I do have a high understanding of the armenian culture, but.....there are alot of people telling me (armenians included) that Levon should be a man, he is 25 years of age and that it is time for him to make decisions. That if he truley loved me, weither or not we should be together shouldent be an option. Everyone is surprised we have broken up, everyone expected us to get married.....He cried too.................

This is by far the strongest I have ever been in my life. When I was placed in somewhat simular circumstances with others, I always came back or pushed what I wanted out of the picture to make my significant other happy and content....I have to think about myself too.....and what I want. I love Levon, truley. Everything about him, his flaws, his culture but above all his heart. I just wish he was stronger....it broke my heart to see him so upset and it broke mine to hear him say what he said. I've been crying all night and day my eyes are so small and puffy now. My loveing him to much seperated us, this was my luck......................of course. What could I do? We been through alot. Thousands of comments and remarks, all negative, about me and him. A LONNNNNGG battle between me and my father for accepting him into his home (my father hated all armenians for the longest time because of what happened with my previous relationships with them) abuse, I have been beaten up by my family and strangers for my love of armenian people, rejection, we both were rejected by all armenians for the longest time. I learned alot from Levon, things I will value for the rest of my life. He is such a good man and was my best friend, my teacher and lover all at once. I used to be such a bad person........I would truley amaze you with my past life, and I completely changed when I met Levon, and I have to believe it is because for once..........I met someone who cared for me.........who loved me. There truley isnt anyone like him. Although it aches in my heart to say this...I just hope that whoever he is with next time, that he is more braver, stronger and understanding. After everything, I realized it is so true............Armenians belong with armenians. No love, no matter how great it appears, can break the power of your pride, culture and respect of your ways of life. You guys are great people, and I learned so much through you all.

I am sorry for my rambling and sounding like a typical chick breakup....but it really hurts, and I know It will take time, and that I will heal, but it hurts........................especially when you have been through everything that me and him have gone through....

thanks for listening.............I apprecite it.

[One-Way]

That's sad to hear. It seems like you really loved him, and it's obvious you guys had a love that can't be described. He was put in a tough situation, but he did what he had to do. I don't know what it's like to love someone that much, and lose them through a break-up, but I'm sure it's heard. It must feel like you lost your other half. I just hope you remain strong.

[winoman]

Awww - thats so sad - and I really feel bad for you. I'm sorry that he can't be his own man and instead gives in to silly Armenian family pressures and predjudices. Why don't you suggest that you get together but move away somewhere - why do you have to live with his family? In the end they will either support (you two being together) and love you or not - but you have to live your own life and make decisions based on what is best for you and not what others want or expect (that is just a perscription for your own misery). I hope that things can work out for you either way - though I know its tough for you right now. Just try to get through it - don't just dwell on it - go out and live your life - do some fun things with friends and get your mind off of it. You seem like you have an excellent head about you and perspective in life - I know it will work out for you. And if you do still love him don't just give it up - stay in touch with him and talk to him - try to get through to him - if he still really loves you who knows - but you might be better off getting away from all the family BS - it sounds very unhealthy all around.

I recently (just this last week,,,) helped a friend get over a long time love that he had hoped to marry (and have children with...) - but it didn't work out. My wife and I sort of got him together with a good friend of hers (actually I was behind the whole thing!) - and now they are quite an item...this just happened this last week! She was only divorced a few weeks ago herself (for the 6th time! ....3 times from the same guy if you can believe it!). Its been really good for both of them and it seems like it may even work out long term (well it seems like it may have a chance) - not a typical rebound thing - but even if it just ends up as that it has been very good for both of them. Maybe you can meet someone else - but don't press - whatever happens will...chin up and cheer up!

[Siamanto]

After a long battle of our 2 year relationship, I decided to end things between me and my boyfriend, Levon. I wanted a commitment from him, in short, marry him. And I wasnt saying anytime soon, it could be 2-5 years down the road, but I wanted a commitment! There were quite a bit of armenians that supported the idea of me and him marrying but in the end he chose his father over me. You see, he wanted to marry me too, we both did very much but one of the main reasons why he couldent marry me is because I am not a virgin.

It seems to me that he still needs to grow up; why don't you give him more time? Personally, considering that you get alone well, I would give him more time!

I have been with other men, armenians at that, and he says if we were to marry we would not be able to live with his father and his fathers wife because they would be riddiculed by the two armenians that I had been with previously of him, that they would make comments such as "Ha, ha, ha I xxxxed your sons wife." The only other option would be to not live with his father, but he said he could not leave his father.......he really broke my heart with that comment.................I expected him to bring up the fact that I am not armenian, but he didnt see that as a problem....Is it wrong for me to be angry over that?

It's very natural to be angry in such a situation. Who cares whether you have the "right" or not! In my opinion, you do!

I cant say that I dont respect that. Family is very important to me too and I do understand and respect his love for his father, and I do have a high understanding of the armenian culture, but.....there are alot of people telling me (armenians included) that Levon should be a man, he is 25 years of age and that it is time for him to make decisions. That if he truley loved me, weither or not we should be together shouldent be an option. Everyone is surprised we have broken up, everyone expected us to get married.....He cried too.................

My only criticism is that you "should???" have given him more time to grow up and learn to handle these kind of situations. He does not have to chose between you and his father; one can always find a compromise solution, educate others and time helps to better understand and accept apparently incompatible situations/conditions/constraints!

This is by far the strongest I have ever been in my life. When I was placed in somewhat simular circumstances with others, I always came back or pushed what I wanted out of the picture to make my significant other happy and content....I have to think about myself too.....and what I want. I love Levon, truley. Everything about him, his flaws, his culture but above all his heart. I just wish he was stronger....it broke my heart to see him so upset and it broke mine to hear him say what he said. I've been crying all night and day my eyes are so small and puffy now. My loveing him to much seperated us, this was my luck......................of course. What could I do? We been through alot. Thousands of comments and remarks, all negative, about me and him. A LONNNNNGG battle between me and my father for accepting him into his home (my father hated all armenians for the longest time because of what happened with my previous relationships with them) abuse, I have been beaten up by my family and strangers for my love of armenian people, rejection, we both were rejected by all armenians for the longest time. I learned alot from Levon, things I will value for the rest of my life. He is such a good man and was my best friend, my teacher and lover all at once. I used to be such a bad person........I would truley amaze you with my past life, and I completely changed when I met Levon, and I have to believe it is because for once..........I met someone who cared for me.........who loved me. There truley isnt anyone like him. Although it aches in my heart to say this...I just hope that whoever he is with next time, that he is more braver, stronger and understanding.

You can go back to him and give him reasons to become a stronger individual and a better person! If he loves you, then he would - with pleasure - try to better himself for you!

After everything, I realized it is so true............Armenians belong with armenians. No love, no matter how great it appears, can break the power of your pride, culture and respect of your ways of life. You guys are great people, and I learned so much through you all.

You - i.e. your feelings, emotions, sensitivities and views - are Armenian enough for me and probably??? for many of us! More Armenian that many Armenians I have known! This is also to tell you that there's enough diversity among Armenians!

I am sorry for my rambling and sounding like a typical chick breakup....but it really hurts, and I know It will take time, and that I will heal, but it hurts........................especially when you have been through everything that me and him have gone through....

thanks for listening.............I apprecite it.

De rien!
Again, if you both love, trust and respect each other then I think that you should go back! In a way, you're both running away from the same difficulties!

[loseyourname]

I just have one question: how is a commitment to marry in 2-5 years any different than marriage itself? In either case, he's commiting to you, in principle, for the rest of his natural life. Unless it's financially unfeasible to get married but you're nonetheless ready, I've never understood long engagements like that.

[Red Brigade]

Marriage is not even needed in my opinion.Its just typical things.
I don't know who Levon is, so i don't want to say something wrong.As a man i know how other men are and behave.I think you should take distance from him and let him do the next step if there is any.But you know better than all of us what you should do, and what you will do is the correct.Do what you feel.But don't do something that you will regret later.
It takes a lot of courage to open your heart and discuss about your problems with so many people,its not an easy thing.You are a good person.

[sad_eyes]

It isnt easy, and last night my sister (I live with my sister and her husdband) had mentioned that he phoned but didnt respond to when my sister was repeating "hello?" The fact that the called me prooves to me that he didnt take me seriously, that he thought this would blow over after I cooled down....no. He really did break my heart, and for once I am finding the strength to do what I feel is right. And yet I am so afraid that my actions are maybe what will create years of regret down the road. It feels wrong to be away from him, but it hurt me to be with him. I want him to think about our relationship and hopefully understand why I wanted things to be different between us. I am not saying I want him to come back and ask me to marry him, this cannot and will not ever be as he has made his mind up, of who and what is more important. And I have always been the kind of person that lets others decide what to do with their lives, and their actions, other than throwing in my two cents, aside from safety issues that is. This is truley the first time I ever stood up against someone in a relationship. But what it all comes down to is the fact that I dont want anyone to get hurt in the process. I love Levon, I dont want to see him hurt, I respect his father, I dont want him hurt either, and I love myself, and.........I have been hurt too often by my previouse relationships which were caused by my hand and my naiveness to go through it all again. I just wish there was a way to get out of this with everyone being content. You see, my problem is that I relied on him, depended on him...we did everything together, heck, I even lived with him for a while. We would have our big arguments, We even went grocery shopping together. For two years, our lives had been interwined. And yes, although he was committed to me, he knew that what I wanted was marriage. We often discussed this, and talked about how many children we would want, how we would raise them, etc. In the end, this was what he wanted too. But he had to chose. And he stuck with his traditions.....which I hate, and it hurts, but as I mentioned before, I have to respect.


Thank you all for your opinions and adivce. Most of it was a great help. Your encouragement and kindness are so appreciated right now and I can not even begin to express my gratitude.

God bless...........

[Siggie]

I'm sorry this happened Rachel.
I truely think that (with very few exceptions) any parent, no matter what they said, would concede rather than lose their son or daughter. If he said this is who I love and who I'm going to marry, and was strong, I think his father would have given in (even after great protest at first). Often what we think we'd do in a particular situation isn't what we do in that situation at all.
I wouldn't rule out the same response for him either... changing his mind after seeing that you're serious.

[Sip]

You will NOT regret this decision. Believe me. With this kind of a guy, you are not just marrying him, you are marrying his parents. You are far better off without him than with him unless you want to be the donkey of his parents for the rest of your life.

Stay strong and don't take this kind of crap from anyone. If he loves you, if he REALLY loves you, no one else in the world should be able to tell him whether he wants to marry you or not!

And even if he does marry you, you have to make it clear from the beginning that the parents are going to have to mind their own business and not act like they own you as a pet or a piece of property. From the sounds of it, they will.

All I can say is, YOU GO GIRL.

[Anonymouse]

You will NOT regret this decision. Believe me. With this kind of a guy, you are not just marrying him, you are marrying his parents. You are far better off without him than with him unless you want to be the donkey of his parents for the rest of your life.

Stay strong and don't take this kind of crap from anyone. If he loves you, if he REALLY loves you, no one else in the world should be able to tell him whether he wants to marry you or not!

And even if he does marry you, you have to make it clear from the beginning that the parents are going to have to mind their own business and not act like they own you as a pet or a piece of property. From the sounds of it, they will.

All I can say is, YOU GO GIRL.

Such wisdom is rare on these here forums lately.