Breakup

[karoaper]

karoaper,
I agree with everything you have said, except for one "detail!" How can you give only two days for such a decision? Keep in mind that the Human Reason is a very adaptive substance and people get used - i.e. adapt - to new or foreign ideas in time. You can't save - or build - a relationship with (an) ultimatum(s). For me two days equates to an ultimatum.

Siamanto, you're obviously a poet at heart , while I'm a realist, which really means I'm a plumber.

[Anonymouse]

[sad_eyes]

Karoaper, I never said that he should put aside his family and traditions. In fact, I clearly stated that I respect his decision as much as it hurt me, and that I didnt want him to fall away from them because they are part of the main reason why I fell in love with him. One time, he even stated to me that he wished he was not armenian. I got angry and asked him how he could say something like that because of what Armenia has to offer, what a great nationality he has and that he should be proud of his culture and backround. I even stated that armenians do belong with other armenians. I understand the desire with preserving your culture, I never said otherwise.

In fact, I think the world needs more people like armenians. Thats the honest truth.

[Siamanto]

Siamanto, you're obviously a poet at heart , while I'm a realist, which really means I'm a plumber.

I wouldn't agree with you on the choice of words. I wouldn't call your approach as "realist."

To illustrate my idea, I will give an example that is totally unrelated to emotions, namely Portfolio Management. Rotating funds from one sector/stock - or "project" - to another is always done in an incremental and gradual manner. Abrupt movements/decisions are considered of high risk; a gradual sector rotation - or fund redistribution - is a well known and realistic hedging mechanism.
Furthermore, such drastic measures can become source of price volatility and destabilize artificially.
Stock Traders also use similar techniques when establishing a position - short or long.

PS. Thank you for the compliment!

[karoaper]

I wouldn't agree with you on the choice of words. I wouldn't call your approach as "realist."

To illustrate my idea, I will give an example that is totally unrelated to emotions, namely Portfolio Management. Rotating funds from one sector/stock - or "project" - to another is always done in an incremental and gradual manner. Abrupt movements/decisions are considered of high risk; a gradual sector rotation - or fund redistribution - is a well known and realistic hedging mechanism.
Furthermore, such drastic measures can become source of price volatility and destabilize artificially.
Stock Traders also use similar techniques when establishing a position - short or long.

PS. Thank you for the compliment!

You're welcome. I agree that ultimatums or abrupt decisions are not compatible with the issues concerning human relationships and I suppose 2 days is too short. However, at some point a hard line in the sand must be drawn. Otherwise, SadEyes could be having a on-off relationship with Levon for another year never progressing ahead. I've seen it happen with many other people. That's what I think must be avoided. Whether it's 2 days or a week or a month, there must come an end to toying of human emotions and path to healing (if that's the inevitable path) must be taken.

And Sad Eyes, I didn't mean to make my post cold and calculating and I'm impressed you understand Levon's side. Also, out of sheer absentmindedness I forgot to say that I feel for you and I'm very sorry you're going through such a heartache. It truely does suck. I'm sure you'll come out of it stronger and wiser and better.

[ExtraHye]

Sad Eyes,
While your love for Levon and his love for you might very strong, the duty he feels to his family (especially as an Armenian) or the duty he feels to his ethnicity cannot be downplayed or ignored. Hie family's unacceptance of you is not based on racism but on self-preservation of our tiny tribe. After all, we (Armenians) are only 7+ million on this green planet or ours. However, finding a true soulmate is such a lucky thing that it can't be thrown away and IMO it comes before all else. So if you both honestly believe you're each other soulmates, then you must stay together. But if Levon finds that his duty to his family and/or his duty to his people is stronger than your love, then I think the best thing for you is just forget him and really stop any contact with him. If I was in a similar situation, I'd ask the person to make a decision (give him a couple of days). After that, the best thing to do would be to go in whatever direction it takes you and not look back. Life's too short for spending it looking back and wallowing in uncertain decisions.

If that's the case, then why did he go out with anyone outside his race? I hear this all the time, "only marry any Armenian", "we need to save our race". Blah Blah Blah, whatever!!! But do you guys not realize that other races are people too and they have feelings? How could you get so close with them, so close that they would talk about having kids, then BAM, its over Only because they aren't Armenian??? Come on now, that guy needs help and a mind of his own. I'm very sorry Sad Eyes, I'm sure his a great guy. But guy's like him get me so mad. If he didn't want to spend the rest of his life with someone that wasn't Armenian, then why would he get so close to you? I was afrad that he was going to hurt you like this.

From what I see from your posts, your a great person and don't need all this drama.

[sad_eyes]

His problem isnt because I am not armenian. Although he claims that I am very close to an armenian girl, I know that this could never be simply because armenian blood does not course its way through my vains. It is because of two reasons...one, his mothers wish before she passed away that he was to be married to a certain girl, and two, that I have been with other armenian men. That I had my virginity stolen/lost (too complicated story for me to share) by an armenian man, and that they would mock him and his father if we were to marry. So the only other option, in his point of view was to move away, but he couldent leave his father.

He once told me that I was the kind of girl everyone would fall in love with.........

But what I noticed now, looking back at all my relationships (non armenians included), is that I am the kind of girl that is good enough for the present. Present love, present sex, present fun, present present present, never future, nothing....I am the kind of girl that is good enough for dating but not marrying. And yet, all I have heard about from armenians since I started dating them is how I would make an excellent wife, even for them. I cook, I clean, I am quiet and reserved and yet friendly and open to my significant other and close friends only. I love children. I read, I dont drink, I sew, I am very family orintated, I can make anyone laugh, I am a listener, genuwine, a thinker, big heart, I stay true to myself and that I am faithful. Everyone who meets me likes me, not to sound consited, as I am so far from thinking highly of myself, but they all say that there friends, thier parents or whomever is connected to me really likes me. So I have all the qualities but what stops it all now is the fact that I am not a virgin. Which dont get me wrong, I 100% support and cant stress enough how important it is for a young woman to remain a virigin until marriage.

I drive myself mad sometimes questioning.......Why am I not good enough?

His reply? You are good enough for me.

[bell-the-cat]

Although he claims that I am very close to an armenian girl.

In that you like being treated like a doormat?

I know that this could never be simply because armenian blood does not course its way through my vains. It is because of two reasons...one, his mothers wish before she passed away that he was to be married to a certain girl, and two, that I have been with other armenian men. That I had my virginity stolen/lost (too complicated story for me to share) by an armenian man, and that they would mock him and his father if we were to marry. So the only other option, in his point of view was to move away, but he couldent leave his father. .

That is just so pathetic it doesn't merit a response. Dark-age ROA Armenians, even more bigoted and self-oppressed that their Muslim neighbours they think they are oh-so-superior to.

But what I noticed now, looking back at all my relationships (non armenians included), is that I am the kind of girl that is good enough for the present. Present love, present sex, present fun, present present present, never future, nothing....I am the kind of girl that is good enough for dating but not marrying. And yet, all I have heard about from armenians since I started dating them is how I would make an excellent wife, even for them. I cook, I clean, I am quiet and reserved and yet friendly and open to my significant other and close friends only. I love children. I read, I dont drink, I sew, I am very family orintated, I can make anyone laugh, I am a listener, genuwine, a thinker, big heart, I stay true to myself and that I am faithful. Everyone who meets me likes me, not to sound consited, as I am so far from thinking highly of myself, but they all say that there friends, thier parents or whomever is connected to me really likes me.

Sounds just like more "doormatting" to me. Stop being the doormat, something that anyone can briefly step upon - and start being the actual door, something that only the deserving can request entrance through.

So I have all the qualities but what stops it all now is the fact that I am not a virgin. Which dont get me wrong, I 100% support and cant stress enough how important it is for a young woman to remain a virigin until marriage.

Why - in order to satisfy the "tastes" of some jerk like this Levon person?

[bell-the-cat]

If that's the case, then why did he go out with anyone outside his race?

For the reason I mentioned earlier. To put it more bluntly - he probably wanted to xxxx around with a non-Armenian for a bit (while still keeping all his "principles" about virginity intact since she was only some odar), before returning to the call of his family and its pathetic values.

I hear this all the time, "only marry any Armenian", "we need to save our race". Blah Blah Blah, whatever!!! But do you guys not realize that other races are people too and they have feelings?

If two people are truly in love then the only race they are, and are concerned with, is themselves. They are a nation of two.

[dstyle]

If he can't be his own man, do you really want to be with him.