Armenian lesbians/gays

[Flamenkita]

Re: Armenian lesbians/gays

If only you can fit this on a T-Shirt.

...and if you can spell correctly.

[Flamenkita]

Re: Armenian lesbians/gays

Kanada, the Ferrari was a good metaphor, and so I hijacked it.

The key to good relationships is good boundaries. What I was suggesting was that a man, and a woman, for that matter, have healthy boundaries with their families of origin before creating a family of their own.

The thing is, you guys seem to think that a woman with a more egalitarian, liberal, or "Western" outlook cannot possibly have a warm family life. This is not the case with me at all. My home is like a social club on weekends. My parents come, his parents come. The kids' friends come to play. Our friends stop in for coffee or a meal. We are very open-door policy people. But, also, we make our boundaries clear so that people don't have to guess what is or isn't ok in terms of stopping in. Our home is usually clean, but not always neat. My feeling is that if you have kids and your house is too clean, and you don't have a staff working to make it so, then something is very wrong. Also, if visitors are going to judge me for the cleanliness of my home, then I prefer they don't visit at all.

In our case, my husband prefers hanging out with my parents than with his. He has said this, himself. This is because my parents have good boundaries, because I have made them clear. Also, because my parents know that we enjoy their company more (my parents tend to be very lively, enjoy cooking, and have no problem with an extra glass of wine) they invite his parents for dinner on Sundays every other week, so that they aren't feeling resentful or left out.

We live in close proximity with both our families, but my parents have been far more supportive of us than his. My mother has been a primary caregiver to our kids. This is very much in keeping with what happens when there aren't the constraints of patriarchy or patrilocality. Maternal grandmothers are far more attuned to their daughters' children than paternal grandmothers. And this is the mighty bond that patriarchal systems naturally wish to dilute. It's all a matter of resources, at the end of the day.

Wrt to women and biological clocks, wouldn't it be better if we could allbe honest about our hopes and needs? And wouldn't you prefer to know that a woman has taken matters into her own hands by making her biological clock her own problem and not yours. One of my best friends just had a baby. The man she was dating wasn't ready, and she wasn't sure she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. They are still together, but there is no pressure to get married. She is a tenured professor and has the ability to care for herself and her child.

[ArmSurvival]

Re: Armenian lesbians/gays

Then they get angry because these guys who worked hard and sacrificed their time for education/career want a new model Ferrari instead of an old Pinto

Oh ya. There are a lot of nice, intelligent & reasonably interesting guys who got totally ignored from age 18-30 by women who partied and slept with "bad boy" types while the nice guy spent his Friday & Saturday nights working & studying because nobody wanted to hang out with him. After these nice guys make something of themselves, before they've had any real fun in their lives, they're expected to take in these 30-something party girls who now want to settle down and have a family now that they've had all their fun. I hate this entitlement attitude. I don't necessarily agree with the view a lot of you guys expressed about woman's behavior, but at least your viewpoint doesn't result in people being hopelessly lonely, which is the reality today in America for millions of decent men.

Some women couldn't pick the right partner if their lives depended on it.

Guys are equally dumb in this regard, and guys put up with a LOT more crap than girls do which is directly related to the average woman having 20X more options than the average man. But generally men and women are both dumb in this regard. The difference is, we are always told about "woman's intuition", and how she can spot somebody who lies to her. Yea, thats why she gets fooled by the mechanic and by the bad boy types who used her and left her hanging. American society really overestimates the average woman's intellect. Just one of the many ways they put women on pedestals in an attempt to emasculate men.

Also, the advice I give my women friends who are in their late 30's is to not allow their biological clock to dictate when and with whom they marry.

Well its pretty tough to go against your own biology. Its like telling a cat to not land on its feet when you drop it, it can't really help it. I know a girl who was in her early 30s and she was trying to put the moves on me, and I wasn't interested. She showed so much interest that I thought what the hell, let me have some fun with her. Before we even got to the fun part it hit me: She's fast approaching her expiration date and is trying to desperately hook a man. IF she gets pregnant by some accident or through some deceitful way (happens a lot these days) then she's going to keep me chained to her forever. Needless to say I broke communication with her before it materialized into anything.

Low and behold, a couple of months later I ran into a friend of mine who also knew her. He said hey, do you talk to her anymore, I said no not really. He said yea she's kinda weird, she kept asking me out and I just wasn't interested. The lesson? Don't underestimate the loud, throbbing tick of the biological clock as it reaches 0:00!

Plus, I would be very curious to know why your girlfriends in their 30s cannot find a man. I have my hunches, but I'll let you answer first.

It is entirely possible to have a child without getting married, and removing the biological vulnerability from the equation altogether. A man who cannot separate a woman's desire to be a mother from her desire to have a life partner is not worth marrying anyway, IMO. And any man who doesn't love a woman enough to accept and embrace her child is not a man who can think for himself.

I'm not sure I understood you correctly. Are you saying that a man who doesn't marry a woman just to make her a mother doesn't deserve her? Or that a man who doesn't date someone because they're a single mother isn't a real man?

I know an old Armenian woman who actually disowned her son for marrying a woman who had already been married. I think that is a terrible and cruel thing to do, but at the end of the day, she is the one who is deprived of her son and his children. And this son's wife happens to be a very kind, caring, energetic person who would gladly care for her husband's mother in her old age. But because of stupid traditions and customs, she is spending her old age bitter and lonely. Why? because she cannot accept that her son married a woman who wasn't a virgin.

Well thats a little harsh, I personally wouldn't do that. But like I said earlier, you can't control how other people feel.

[KanadaHye]

Re: Armenian lesbians/gays

Judging from some of the epic fails I've seen in terms of choices and outcomes, neither can many men. Armenian men really need to stop trying to find their mothers' clones, and need to stop trying to please their mothers with the women they decide to marry. The worst mistake a man can do is to not be completely separate from the family before getting married.

I know an Armenian man who married a Polish woman. She's a nurse, they had 2 kids and his parents live with them. On top of that, she learned Armenian. I guess some people love the culture.

[Mos]

Re: Armenian lesbians/gays

Precisely why they deserve to live with cats... they can't be bothered to coexist with real people. The biggest part of Armenian culture is having family around and other Armenian families dropping in for company. This would be bothersome for western women since that would mean that the house would have to be cleaned periodically and God forbid they have to make a coffee for someone other than themselves.

In all they seem rather bitter and full of themselves.

[KanadaHye]

Re: Armenian lesbians/gays

Thank you Mrs. Freud for yet another psychoanalysis. Yes I'm sure it's great when your chosen wife doesn't have good relations with your parents and you spend your whole married life trying to balance the fights/tensions between all the sides.

Precisely why they deserve to live with cats... they can't be bothered to coexist with real people. The biggest part of Armenian culture is having family around and other Armenian families dropping in for company. This would be bothersome for western women since that would mean that the house would have to be cleaned periodically and God forbid they have to make a coffee for someone other than themselves.

[Mos]

Re: Armenian lesbians/gays

Judging from some of the epic fails I've seen in terms of choices and outcomes, neither can many men. Armenian men really need to stop trying to find their mothers' clones, and need to stop trying to please their mothers with the women they decide to marry. The worst mistake a man can do is to not be completely separate from the family before getting married.

Thank you Mrs. Freud for yet another psychoanalysis. Yes I'm sure it's great when your chosen wife doesn't have good relations with your parents and you spend your whole married life trying to balance the fights/tensions between all the sides.

[ADandelion]

Re: Armenian lesbians/gays

Based off of what I've seen, the most important factor in marriage isn't the man or the woman's 'profiles' ie, their virginity, income, status, background or even what kind of personality they have.

What matters above all is what kind of person you become around that woman, and what kind of a person she becomes around her man. That dynamic, if each half of the couple brings out the best in the other, is the basis of a happy marriage. All else is skin-deep.

[KanadaHye]

Re: Armenian lesbians/gays

Englishmen love their wifes and have many girlfriends
Americans love their girlfriends and have had many wifes.
Armenian (and Persians) have many wifes and girlfriends but they love their mother. lol

If only you can fit this on a T-Shirt.

[KanadaHye]

Re: Armenian lesbians/gays

Judging from some of the epic fails I've seen in terms of choices and outcomes, neither can many men. Armenian men really need to stop trying to find their mothers' clones, and need to stop trying to please their mothers with the women they decide to marry. The worst mistake a man can do is to not be completely separate from the family before getting married.

LOL... typical western woman.... wants to separate the man from his family but the man has to put up with HER family. The first thing that she'll do when the going gets rough is run to mommy and daddy.